Week 25 and the baby is the size of a cabbage (Napa cabbage particularly).
Things haven’t been particularly cheery. I keep waiting for the burst of energy that never comes. My heartburn (that I had in my first pregnancy) is back. Although heartburn always feels like the wrong way to describe it. It is more an excruciating feeling of acid rising up in my throat, causing me to burp (attractive) in pain and feel as though I may throw up. I am popping ranitidine like tic-tacs.
I am also sick. Yes! Just when you think the morning sickness should be long gone – my body has decided to reject random foodstuffs. I think this is linked to the acid reflux and am thinking about having a spaghetti hoop only diet for the remaining months. Just to be safe. Nice, rich food is out.
My bump is huge and uncomfortable and surprisingly hard (I will stop moaning soon, maybe) and it hurts to walk up the road / walk up the stairs.
My mum is an Angel. She listens to me cry …. a lot.
Just as a side note. It has troubled me this week that anyone reading my blog might think I am ungrateful in any way – or don’t know how lucky I am to be expecting our second child.
I am, obviously, aware of our luck and am exceedingly grateful – it’s just that pregnancy doesn’t suit me. It saps my energy and plays havoc with my mental health. I don’t feel myself … rest assured, when this nine months are over I will be overjoyed and will fully embrace the gift we have been lucky enough to be given. But right now – I just feel sick, unwell, not myself and exhausted. So that is all I can say. That is my truth.
My toddler has hit the ‘terrible twos’ or the ‘demonic possession’ stage – which doesn’t help matters.
On a very positive note, I had an appointment with a specialist midwife (I think she specialises in counselling for antenatal depression). She was amazing. It was a bit of a life changing moment – or as Oprah would say “a lightbulb moment”. We talked for a long time about my previous birth experience (emergency cesarean) and she went through my notes and my entire experience and came to the conclusion that
1. There was nothing that I did that caused my Emergency C-section. and
2. It wasn’t my fault.
She repeated it a few times – and I really just felt a tonne of bricks being removed from my shoulders.
I feel much more positive about my decision to go ahead with a planned cesarean in July.
Right now I’m taking one day at a time – and marking them off on my calendar to my due date.