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Antisocial Mum of two found dehydrated in sauna

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As the late great M.J once sang “Just leave me alone.” This is my current theme tune. Boy one (two and a half) is abnormally ecstatic to exist and on the cusp of full on language but not coherent sentences which renders him similar to a mini french shouty man who follows me about the house […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday -part 4 – The Grand Finale

Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3  We return home and swing open the caravan door to reveal two sights at our feet. One small bin with a dodgy, luminous orange, sweet and sour mess crawling out of the sides and a three time wrapped shady nappy laying next to it. Mother is slumped in […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 3. Soft Play Satanic Pit

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I trust you are up to date with part 1 and part 2 – so I’ll begin, We are back in the old caravan; My mother, partner and toddler. I look at how many hours it is until toddler nap time. Quite a few. I put on CBeebies. Mother sits in the corner reading her […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 2 (The Swim)

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I trust you have read part 1 so I’ll begin… The best time to try out that swimming pool we saw in the lovely promotional video is surely when it opens at 9.30am. Right? Because everyone else here will be either in bed, eating at the breakfast buffet, hungover or just out for the day on […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 1.

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I hadn’t been to a child friendly/ family friendly caravan holiday park since I was a child myself. But the promotional video looked so promising: The smiley parents with their smiley children skipping along the beach in their khaki outfits, frolicking in the near empty soft play, splashing in the near empty swimming pool, playing […]

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What Happens, with a toddler, before 7.20am : The Nappy disaster

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In a B&B room, up on the eighth floor (with no lift), on the top of a cliff in Scarborough (Trip Advisor didn’t mention the cliff!), a toddler awakes from his slumber on a Saturday at 5am and lets his mother know by bellowing “BLUMPH GAW, BLUMPH GAW”. His mother falls out of bed and […]