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Indoctrinated into Iggle Piggle’s Cult

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Remember when you were young and you really wanted to dump a boy, but Christmas was on the horizon, so you held off? Well, over the last year I have held off murdering my partner because we had ‘In the Night Garden‘ Live booked. Ever since we heard the synopsis “Makka Pakka washes everyone’s faces […]

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Squat Thrusting across the universe 

As my baby gets tubby and chunky it becomes apparent that so is his mummy and so the decision is made to get back on the pain wagon that is ‘the gym’. It doesn’t bode well for me that the ten minute walk there has me panting… and sweating … and needing to stop for […]

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Ostentatious

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Ode to Alex Dyke and Nigel Farage TEEHEE! look, she’s got boobies! She’s got one of them brass-i-ere thingies. under her school shirt – you can see the straps Pull the back far back lads. Thwap! PHWOAR! She’s developed early! Just look at her tits. I’ve heard she’s admired by all the boys, she’s a […]

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I Have a Dream – of a soft play paradise

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I have a dream – of a soft play paradise. Let me tell you about it. Close your eyes. Wait… close them after you’ve read this. Upon entering the vast space (airport big) you look up in awe at the ten storey adventure zone wrapping around the circumference of the room. All slides are transparent […]

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Call the Exorcist… he’s two and he’s pissed off about it!

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A Demon has invaded our Bambi like son and left that thing off Child’s Play, or one of those wet gremlins, or that thing out of Alien, or that Damien kid – behind. Demon Take-over Toddler Timeline (yesterday): 4am: Demon invades son. Son starts hollering down the stairs that he has been possessed. 4.15am: I […]

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Dear Gwyneth, about your breakfast… 

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Interesting 'recipe' from one of Gwyneth's GOOP pals. pic.twitter.com/Sw3I2ocZ5b — Sarah (@sbl1976) March 19, 2015 Here you are Gwyneth, Here are some recipes I highly recommend for pregnant beast ladies everywhere, when a sprig of asparagus and a boiled egg just won’t do. 1. The Food of The Gods  Ingredients: Spaghetti Hoops (whole tin), Three […]

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Parenting Hacks (for parents who no longer give a crap)

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Parenting Hack 1 : Cleaning Your hoover nozzle is now your best friend. Use it to clean floors, tables, kitchen counters, plates, the inside of your fridge (not a euphemism), kitchen cupboards, the tray at the bottom of the toaster, mattresses, clothes, the bath, the garden and your toddler. Make sure he/she is holding tightly […]