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Why your friend with a new born didn’t text you back

I saw you both, from the buggy area on the train; Scarborough bound. I put you both at around eighteen – or at least that stage in your life where nothing sags, everything is pert, and you can rock a tattoo like the one you had, of a busty burlesque girl on your calf, and […]

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Dear Mother and son watching Cinderella together (Sunday 19th April/ 3pm showing / Kirkstall Leeds, Row L)

My sister* found her husband wouldn’t go with her to watch Cinderella. Who could blame him? Disney, Fairy Tale, Prince Charming, Chick Flick! It doesn’t really scream ‘Target Audience: Northern lad in his thirties’. So she asked me, and even I wasn’t too excited about seeing it. We all know the story and I have […]

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Mummy’s Writing, Darling – a new home

As a new year approaches, my breeding concludes and my writing continues I am excited to tell you that I have moved blogging house. It’s still me – still writing the same old dribble – just at a different address. I hope you’ll pop over for a cup of tea and a giggle any time […]

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Why running is like childbirth

A month ago I started running. Which is a sentence I never thought I’d write. And it wasn’t to the corner shop for another bottle of red and a packet of wotsits, or for the bus, or away from my children. Baby number two was three months and I had started a diet in an […]

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How to spot your mummy soulmate 

Lonely is a word often used when describing being a new mum but a word is just a word. Often I think “lonely” doesn’t do it justice. I thought that having a child would mean my lonely days would be over. I have a partner too! All the things we assume will make us “whole”. […]

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Indoctrinated into Iggle Piggle’s Cult

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Remember when you were young and you really wanted to dump a boy, but Christmas was on the horizon, so you held off? Well, over the last year I have held off murdering my partner because we had ‘In the Night Garden‘ Live booked. Ever since we heard the synopsis “Makka Pakka washes everyone’s faces […]

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Antisocial Mum of two found dehydrated in sauna

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As the late great M.J once sang “Just leave me alone.” This is my current theme tune. Boy one (two and a half) is abnormally ecstatic to exist and on the cusp of full on language but not coherent sentences which renders him similar to a mini french shouty man who follows me about the house […]