Remember when you were young and you really wanted to dump a boy, but Christmas was on the horizon, so you held off? Well, over the last year I have held off murdering my partner because we had ‘In the Night Garden‘ Live booked. Ever since we heard the synopsis “Makka Pakka washes everyone’s faces until he gets his sponge stuck in Oopsie Daisy’s megaphone,” we knew we had to see it. It sounded like pure filth.
I was due with my second child in July and we booked ITNG live for August so every time I wanted to put the toddler in a cattery and walk into the sea, I kept thinking “when you’re at ITNG live you won’t be pregnant anymore and everything will be perfect”. It kept us all going.
And after what seemed like the longest time – it was here! The time had come.
Now everyone knows the most important part of a ‘family day out’ are the photos. It has been a success if you get some great snaps. And I did. The best photos ever. And my toddler, as predicted, nearly passed out from excitement. And our son will be able to look back at those pictures and remember that amazing day.
What the pictures don’t show
- Mummy and Daddy had approximately eight fights before leaving the house because Daddy thinks to leave the house you walk out with your keys. Whereas mummy is in charge of packing the one thousand and seven things we would actually need with two kids (a toddler and a newborn) – plus carefully timing nappies / feeds / sleeps that are crucial for a successful outing.
- Mummy got up at 4am to leave the house at 10am. Daddy got up at about 9.50am.
- Mummy and Daddy jumped on the train to Manchester, saw the doors close behind them and heard the beepy noise that means “there ain’t no way you’re getting off this train now suckers” before staring at each other in horror realising they were on the wrong fucking train (Daddy’s fault).
- The only place we could find to rest after the long arse, two train journey was a TGI Friday where mummy downed a large chardonnay before realising we had had a nappy malfunction and Daddy had to change all your clothes (good job mummy packed such things) and instead of your lovely smart outfit you would have to meet Iggle Piggle looking like someone who had ‘dressed up’ to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show.
- As you stuffed chips into your happy face with your sodden clothes in a carrier bag next to you and your new brother propped up on the seat next to me – your dad and I finally looked at each other as “Praise you” came on over the speakers. “We’ve come a long long way together, through the hard times and the good.” We started hysterically laughing and exclaimed we had found our wedding song.
And a little calmer we walked into the stadium. The lights dimmed and the excitement hummed in the air. I haven’t been that excited since I saw East 17 at Party in the park when I was a teenager. I held the newborn and scanned the room.
All around me were seemingly normal parents practically bouncing up and down with excitement. We locked eyes – though we had never met we all knew each other, understood each other’s lives, swayed as though hypnotised to the Ninky Nonk tune. Makka Pakka came out and the parents squealed like he was Paul McCartney. I started to wonder who was more excited – us or the kids?
And there he was – the man himself – Iggle Piggle. He came on to literal screams from the audience. He did a little bum wiggle that we all knew was a cheeky one for the parents. Without shame we all sang along to every song. I looked around the room at all of the parents (one can only imagine some of them are Doctors and Lawyers) – wide eyed happily mouthing “yes my name is Iggle Piggle, Iggle Piggle Iggle Piggle Diggle.”
The lights went up at the end and I looked behind us to see a massive burly man with a shaven head say to a distraut little girl “Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll see Oopsie Daisy again.”
The crowd cheered and I felt my newborn shart into his sling.
If it’s a cult then I am a fully fledged member – it was worth every penny.
Our first family day out – and we will always have the pictures.
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