Since having my second child I get the same question again and again – “how are you finding it with two?” (accompanied by a ‘face’ you might pull asking ‘How was your smear test?’) The answer is – I don’t have time to answer your question Lady, GET OUT OF MY WAY!
It was only the other day, as I was sat on the toilet, breast feeding my newborn whilst singing “Old Macdonald had a farm” to the toddler in the bath, that I realised I was ‘doing it’ (it – meaning having two children) and I hadn’t had time to really think about it.
I had my second little boy by cesarean three weeks ago and was back filling the dishwasher less than twenty four hours later. Things didn’t stop – there was no time to revel in the new arrival. I had nappies to change and laundry to do and forms to fill in and beds to make!
My mind is now a ping ball machine of what needs to be done, what should be done – and what I could be doing whilst thinking about what needs to be done. If there is a moment of silence I am a woman possessed by the need to use this time effectively. I spring up at 6am after sleeping in half hour intervals all night and I am raring to go! I am a woman high on adrenaline. I am in the zone.
I wake up and mentally concoct my list – breakfast for toddler, clothes for everyone, nappies – Which one of you has done a shit? Who needs a drink? Is this washing dry yet? Does this go in the dishwasher? How can I wash them all at the same time? Where is a fucking pen? Where are your shoes? Under-eye concealer on – what’s next? Nipple pads a go-go! Don’t pee! Don’t pee!
I used to be a nervous, neurotic, self conscious mum – but with two I simply don’t have time. My appearance is now windswept and au naturel. I wear gym gear and trainers.
I can now bathe, dress and settle my new born like a bloody legend; One handed, in a second, with no effort. The new born is piss easy. Feed, sleep, shit and repeat. I’ve got it down.
I push them both up the hill for forty five minutes in their double buggy that weighs the same as a Ford Escort and you might comment that it’s good exercise and getting rid of my bingo wings – I wouldnt know, I don’t have time to think about my weight – get out of my way woman!
And you want to see me multi task now. I am one multitasking mother …. the things I can now get done at the same time would astound you. I can have my entire house immaculate by 10am – I can be changing the toddler’s nappy, signing with Mr Tumble, singing ‘The Wheels on the bus’, calling up HMRC about tax, winding a baby, doing an Internet shop and making a Ragu all at the same flipping moment. Multitasking! Bitch!
I have filled in the forms, I have unclogged the drains, I have taken out the recycling, I have bathed us all, I have put out his pjs, I have blended a Guacamole, I have been to the post office. I have three lots of laundry on the line. I am rocking the new born to sleep. I am reading The Tiger who came to tea’. I am shaving my legs. I am hoovering the stairs. I am researching potty training. I am running on sunshine. Get out of my way slow coach. My house has never been tidier and my mind has never been clearer.
If this is the effect of having a second child then imagine how much stronger parents of three, or four must be?
My dad always says “The Devil makes work for idle hands” – now my hands are well and truly full and I have never felt stronger. Who knew? Two was the magic number.
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