No one writes to be offensive; Apart from Katie Hopkins.
But I am here to tell you – no matter how diplomatic / non-ignorant / on the fence / pure of heart you are, one day – if you have put yourself “out there” as they say – you will upset someone. You will touch a nerve, you will use the wrong word, you will write a sentence that (out of context) could start a war!
But don’t worry – you can cope. Just as I have (sort of).
If someone is offended by your blog your day may well roll out like this:
1. Wake up, your reality seems great. Sun is out. You realise you have Jus-Roll puff pastry and Nutella. You combine the two. Life is amazing. You see,by chance, that a world of hate is occurring regarding little old you on Social media*.
*you have not been racist, sexist, homophobic, fascist or any of the other bad ‘ists’ you know of. If you have, this post isn’t designed for you. Bog off Katie!
2. You have a mini panic attack. Cry.
3. Immediately call first line of defence (mum). She shouts at you that she thought something ‘real‘ was wrong, like something to do with your son or baby on the way. You cry some more.
4. Write a woe is me status on private Facebook. Await a hundred messages that tell you you’re the best human they know and not what they say on social media. Lie on sofa with exhaustion.
5. Receive lovely messages. Realise who your friends are. Appreciate the real people in your life. Cry.
6. Make the mistake of looking into what is now being said about you on social media – cry. Cry, cry, cry some more.
7. Decide you cant hack it. You will leave social media – never blog again. You just can’t bear it and obviously you aren’t cut out for this shit. You will delete all the apps from your phone (now your enemy) and never write again. In fact – you may not be cut out for modern / digital life here, generally. Decide to sell Mac computer and move to mud hut in forest.**
**I do not mean to cause offence to anyone reading from a mud hut in a forest. Or people who don’t use Macs.
8. Talk to more friends. Cry some more. Call second line of defence (fiancé)
9. He is proper, proper pissed off that you’re upset by this and has not the capacity to understand it at all. You decide he’s a proper arse hole. Wedding off. The world is falling apart around you.
10. Give the toddler a bath – read him a story, tuck him in, give him a big kiss. Gosh you are a silly, silly woman. Decide to stop being so ridiculous.
11. Lie in bed remembering every shitty thing you have ever done, in your entire life as the words you wrote once so innocently / excitedly go round and round and round (and round) in your head. This may last a few days.
12. Forget every nice comment, every nice message, every like you have ever had – and only think about the negatives you saw today.
My tips on how to survive:
1. Speak to as many people who know you as possible. As in tangible people. Not just tiny icons on a twitter feed.
2. Remember that you can’t please everyone. Although that has been your only aim since age 3.
3. Know that your intentions were pure / good – and that’s all that matters. You would never ever want to offend anyone with your writing. You have been blogging now for two and a half years – and never once have you meant to upset anyone.
4. While you are human… the people who are offended are human too… so be kind / understand / forgive (after a lengthy rant to mother).
5. Remember that this will all blow over – before you know it! You’re not big news. There are bigger fish to fry than some silly parent blogger who thinks she’s Helen Fielding!
6. Get some tough love. My partner isn’t cute and cuddly. He’s Mr Realistic. And lo he said unto me :
“Well you might as well give it all up then! Cause ITS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN woman!”
A wise, wise man. Sometimes you need some tough love.
7. Take control back. An amazing friend told me last night that anxiety stems from a feeling of not being in control of a situation – so I am now working on taking back that control. Watch this space.
8. Keep on writing. Don’t give up. Keep on keeping on.
Love from Stephanie, just a woman, with a silly blog, a toddler and a baby on the way, hormonal, just a human, just a blogger – standing in front of you all, hoping that you love me. Or if not love – like. Or if not like – just not hate.
If you like this post please come and find me at my new blog – http://www.mummyswritingdarling.co.uk
and my Facebook page – Mummy’s Writing, Darling
Twitter – @sivitersteph