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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 3. Soft Play Satanic Pit

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I trust you are up to date with part 1 and part 2 – so I’ll begin, We are back in the old caravan; My mother, partner and toddler. I look at how many hours it is until toddler nap time. Quite a few. I put on CBeebies. Mother sits in the corner reading her […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 2 (The Swim)

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I trust you have read part 1 so I’ll begin… The best time to try out that swimming pool we saw in the lovely promotional video is surely when it opens at 9.30am. Right? Because everyone else here will be either in bed, eating at the breakfast buffet, hungover or just out for the day on […]

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Hell is a child friendly caravan park holiday – NOT a review. Part 1.

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I hadn’t been to a child friendly/ family friendly caravan holiday park since I was a child myself. But the promotional video looked so promising: The smiley parents with their smiley children skipping along the beach in their khaki outfits, frolicking in the near empty soft play, splashing in the near empty swimming pool, playing […]

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A big “Sorry” to Bump the 2nd

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Late last night I lay in bed in the silence, my head buzzing with the long list of tasks for tomorrow, the ‘terrible twos‘  toddler asleep on the floor above, my partner on the floor below; unwinding after his long day at work, and I became aware of the silence. It was just me. Just […]

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An open ‘Shit I’m sorry (apology)’ to parents everywhere : I thought my child would be different

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I thought there were no shit children – only shite parents. I thought it was your fault. I thought being a parent was easy peasy and I would be amazing at it. I couldn’t understand why anyone would moan. I thought Stay at home parents had it the easiest. I imagined you all there, sipping tea […]

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Tiny New Toes : A Poem about Antenatal Depression

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Depression came a’drummin on my door. She’s no stranger. I’ve seen her before. I asked her in for a spot of tea, she bounced my toddler on her knee. “you can stay for one,” I politely pressed “but I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong address, there’s far more than cake on my expanding plate, and […]

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Call the Exorcist… he’s two and he’s pissed off about it!

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A Demon has invaded our Bambi like son and left that thing off Child’s Play, or one of those wet gremlins, or that thing out of Alien, or that Damien kid – behind. Demon Take-over Toddler Timeline (yesterday): 4am: Demon invades son. Son starts hollering down the stairs that he has been possessed. 4.15am: I […]

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Say something, I’m giving up on you – When your toddler won’t talk

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Our two year old doesn’t speak. That is to say – he makes noises by the bucketload (wonderful loud ear-blasting noises) – but no real words. We are all (the parent and grandparent committee) sure there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all. My partner comes home every day with […]

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The Grandparent – Toddler Handover Notes : What grandparents say when they return Toddler

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Usual Disclaimer: Gee…I sure am lucky to live so near to my parents! We are so lucky my son has his grandparents in his life. I sure don’t know what we would do without them. But I could do without the handover notes.  Which usually go a bit like this. Toddler is thrust back into […]