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Then and Now

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 Now you are two but then, then you were nought you’ll never understand, the joy you have brought then you couldn’t hold up your own head then you slept next to me in my big bed then we didn’t know how to change your nappy then we didn’t know how to make you happy now […]

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Parenting Hacks (for parents who no longer give a crap)

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Parenting Hack 1 : Cleaning Your hoover nozzle is now your best friend. Use it to clean floors, tables, kitchen counters, plates, the inside of your fridge (not a euphemism), kitchen cupboards, the tray at the bottom of the toaster, mattresses, clothes, the bath, the garden and your toddler. Make sure he/she is holding tightly […]

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My Dinner Date 

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My dinner date is never late I don’t eat, I pick at his plate a table for two, I reserve he’s overly critical of whatever I serve he enjoys mostly beige cuisine his belly is quite portly, but his legs are lean his tastes are precise and plain preferring a nice dessert to a main […]

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Why is it you? 

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At age two, to a goose, I wouldn’t say boo whereas you son, would shoot it and stuff it too. Why is it you who cant sit still, while fifteen others do, Who has to play with the fire extinguisher on the wall, while everyone else is queuing, single file, down the hall? Why is it […]

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Wanted : Mummy Comrade

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to have strong coffee with and keep each other company during these terrifically isolating mummy years so I can stop talking aloud to Steve the Stegosaurus about how the toddler never listens. Preferable  You will have a child a similar age to mine so they can entertain and amuse each other – so we don’t have […]